翻譯評析-The Nurture Assumption Ch4-Part 2

討論三　

原譯：舞會結束後，我們站在學校外面等待父母的接送。當我父親來時，我簡直窘呆了。他戴了一頂滑稽的帽子，開著那輛破車，你知道的，就像是超級市場外面那種給小孩子乘坐，只要投下銅幣就會轉個五分鐘的那種小車，只不過，比那個還爛、還差勁。看到我爸如此的遜，我簡直嚇呆了，丟臉丟到家，簡直比被一個突眼八爪的外星章魚綁架還更恐怖。我當時窘得無地自容，不知道別人會怎麼來想我的老爸。但是卻連作夢也沒想到，所有的人都沒注意到我爸爸，因為每個人都被他們的爸爸窘呆了，大家都忙著找地洞鑽。（p.98)

原文：After canteen we’d stand outside the school, surrounded by our peers, waiting for our parents to pick us up; when my dad pulled up, wearing his poodle hat and driving his Nash Metropolitan—a comically tiny vehicle resembling those cars outside supermarkets that go up and down when you put in a quarter, except the Metropolitan looked sillier and had a smaller motor—I was mortified. I might as well have been picked up by a flying saucer piloted by some bizarre, multitentacled, stalk-eyed, slobber-mouthed alien being that somehow got hold of a Russian hat. I was horrified at what my peers might think of my dad; it never occurred to me that my peers didn’t even notice my dad, because they were too busy being mortified by THEIR parents.(p.72)

試譯：
在吃過點心後， 我和同儕們會一起站在學校外面等待爸媽來接我們。 當我爸爸把車停在我面前時，我真的覺得糗斃了。他戴著捲毛帽，開著納許大都會牌(Nash Metropolitan)的滑稽迷你車，就像是超級市場外面那種給小朋友乘坐，只要投幣就會動啊動的那種小小遊樂車，只不過，我老爸的車看起來比那些遊樂車還爛，引擎還更沒力。此刻的我寧可被某個奇形怪狀，長滿觸角，眼睛暴突，口水滿嘴滴啊滴的外星人綁架，甚至是戴著金黃色蘇聯帽也可以啦，搭上他們的太空船把我弄走吧。我很擔心我的同儕們會如何看待我的老爸。然而，我萬萬沒想到大家根本沒注意到我爸爸。原來啊，每個人都覺得自己的父母很丟臉，也正忙著到處找地洞鑽呢。

評析：
1. after canteen，在此不應該譯為 “舞會結束後”，因為此段的前文是: “Kids want desperately to be normal, and part of being normal is having normal parents. If their parents are different in some way—they want to conceal these embarrassing differences from their peers. The humor writer Dave Barry has captured the feeling:…”既然是在講“kids”，小朋友怎麼會參加舞會呢？Canteen有餐廳、販賣部、福利社的意思，也有吃點心的意義。譯者未經查證也沒有顧及上下文，即譯出本段文章。
2. “when my dad pulled up, wearing his poodle hat and driving his Nash Metropolitan—a comically tiny vehicle” 原譯為「他戴了一頂滑稽的帽子，開著那輛破車」，譯者在此處並沒有就細節加以著墨，沒有把 poodle hat 和Nash Metropolitan的車子的樣子描繪清楚，原文中的幽默語氣到了中文似乎減損了一些。
3. 譯者在此段採“編譯”的方式，將原文做濃縮，並加以編輯。未經原文作者同意就擅自使用便利自己的方式翻譯，有待商榷。雖然翻譯不至於需要字字句句對譯，但也應該在忠於原文語意的原則下，用正確中文語法，將原文完整譯出。